Tyler’s Song

This is my story; This will beTylers song;

My name is Amy. I am 24 years old and I have a story to tell you. Let me start with giving you a little background information about myself. I have been married twice, the first was a huge mistake and learning experience. The current one is a blessing and a new life, I have one daughter who just recently turned a year old. She was born full term with no pre or post labor complications or diagnosis. She was born at 8lbs10oz. I also have 2 step daughters, my husband Patrick brought these two in from a previous relationship. So, in our house the female to male ratio is slightly skewed.

I found out about 7months ago that I was pregnant again. You must understand, this was not really a planned pregnancy and came as quite a shock, considering that my daughter at the time was only 5 months old. After, we realized that this was going to happen I made appointments and got on the mommy-to-be train again. At the beginning of my pregnancy everything went as planned, I had all the normal sympotoms, and had no worries. The time came when they had to do the AFP Testing(Alpha-Fetal-Protein) this test normally detects birth defects through blood work. The results came back, and the nurse called to tell me the news.

I answered the phone and the nurse told me that my tests had came back and she wanted to explain the results to me. She told me that it had came back a little skewed, she said that my chances of having a baby with downs were higher than normal, but she had seen higher ratios come back wrong. She said my stats were that the chances were 1 out of 155, that meants my chances were really minute that there would be anything wrong with my baby.With that news I was greatly upset.. I did not understand. I thought that only women who were older in age had babies with downs.. I thought that women who were bigger, had more children, and over the age of 35 were the ones who had babies like this. I did not understand.. I kept telling myself in the back of my mind.. The test is wrong.. everything will be normal.

After visiting a specialist who checked for the downs syndrome markers told us that our soon had 2 of the 8 markers they check for. He had the absent nasal bone and there were heart abnormalities.With this news I kept staring at the ceiling as tears fell down my cheeks, the Doctor said that he could perform and amnio and that would conclude any questions we had.. as if he did have downs or not. My husband came to my side and we both agreed that no matter what this was our child and we would show unconditional love to. After the amnio.. we were told that we would be having a little boy.(Tyler was not shy on the ultra sound about showing us his manly-hood) This news took the tears from our eyes of sadness to absolute tears of joy. The son, my husband wanted, the grand-son my father wanted, and the little mamas boy I wanted, those wishes were all coming true.

About a week passed and the test results came back. they were positive. My child had been diagnosed with downs. I was given “alternate solutions for my situation”, but before they could be explained to me I cut the doctor off mid sentence and told him we had made our choice, because God had given us this child for a special reason. I kept trying to show a happy face, but honestly, I must tell you that on the inside I was killing myself with worry and guilt. You see, with my first child I did not know I was pregnant until about 14 weeks.. I had been living a lifestlye I am not proud to admit. My health was not in good condition, so my cycle had been messed up, and when I missed my period, it was normal. I had been drinking, smoking, doing all kinds of drugs at partys. Until I went to the clinic to get on birth control and she told me she could not give it to me, because I was already pregnant. To get to the point, I was scared for the rest of my pregnancy that my baby was going to have something wrong with it, because I had done all of that stuff. When she was born, the first question I asked my mom was “does she have 10 fingers, does she have 10 toes.” I was so blessed when they told me she was perfectly healthy.

So when the sadness ofTylers diagnosis finally hit me and I couldnt hold all my thoughts in any more, I bought a journal and began to write. Some of my entries were thoughts that God was punishing me for what I had done with Jaiden(my daughter), He had given me one child as a wake up call, and now I would suffer for what I had done in the past, the drugs, the alcohol, the divorce, and some of the other bad things I had done. About 2 weeks past and I was still mentally drained from having all these thoughts run through my head. Would I be a good enough mother to care for someone with special needs? Why did God choose us to have a son this way? Why couldnt I have given my husband the “regular” son he wanted? As you can see, Evil thoughts paraded my mind continuosly, but never once did I consider aborting this child.

Time passed and I went back for my 23 week check up, at this point the doctor looked over all the markers he had saw the first time, and GOD had answered prayers. The fluid that he had seen on the heart was measuring in the amount of normal babies, and there were no apparent heart defects. There were no growth abnormalities that he could detect. And still for a pregnancy so early he only found the absent nasal bone, I left the doctors office feeling like I was going to be sick. Then when I called my mother to tell her the news and she told me see, everything is going to be all right I then realized it would.

My step daughters told me, that no matter what happenedTyler would be there brother, and they would love and take care of him. The youngest of the two says”Amy I will help take care of him, and if anyone makes fun of him.. I will tell them That God has a purpose for him.. Do they know what their purpose is?” You see even small children have insight that us adults dont even see.

I dont know if my story will help anyone, and even be read by anyone. I do know that My Son who I am still carrying at 30 weeks is doing great.. he is measuring a little bigger than normal so maybe he will come sooner…He moves around all the time, and already if Jaiden is crying on near my tummy he will kick. I have reached this peace and calmness mentally about my situation. I know that God will not give me a child and not help me take care of him. I know that God will not put any more stress on us than we can handle. I know that God has a plan and purpose for my son even before he was created. I dont know what color hair he will , have nor do I know if he will say mama or dada first, but I do know without a doubt he will have a family that will love him, and take care of him without any question in their mind.

So for those of you that have been in a situation like mine or are currently in a situation like mine, I would love to talk to you and to keep in touch with you untilTyler is born. Who knows.. Tyler may be someone that touches the hearts of someone on here. The stories I have read have all made me honored to share such a special occurance with each and every one of you. My prayers are with all of you….and I hope that you too, can share this with someone. I will keep you all informed of the details with Tyler.

May God Bless,
Amy Minor

If you have a Down Syndrome story to share, please submit it to us by contacting mary@prenatalpartnersforlife.org.