On December 19, 2009 my husband and I received some of the best news ever. We found out we were having a baby. We were so ready for our first OB/GYN appointment which was a little over a month away. We went to our first appointment and everything was fine although it was still a little early to hear Braylen’s heartbeat with the Doppler. We were still happy to hear that so far everything was ok with our baby. We finally had our first ultrasound, and while we were there everything was fine. We set our appointment for the anatomy screening for our baby. We went in that morning and were extremely excited and nervous to find out if we were having a boy or girl. My husband swore the baby was a boy. That morning in the Drs office, I will never forget the ultrasound tech sat down and started her scan and got extremely quiet after a few minutes of scanning. She said she would be right back. She then left the room for about 10 minutes. When she came back in she said that the Dr. needed to speak with us. Dr. Smith then came into the room and told us some very shocking news. I was 18 weeks pregnant, and our baby boy had almost no amniotic fluid around him, and that his kidneys seemed deformed. She told us she wanted to see us again in a month. A month later we went back and Braylen had no fluid around him at all, and as the fluid was imperative to the development of his lungs, she told us that if his lungs didn’t develop then he would not live. We continued to have regular monthly ultrasounds of Braylen and we were very hopeful that he would live seeing as how at every ultrasound we were told how much on track his growth and all of that was so we were very hopeful. In July I went to the Dr. to get approval to go to the beach for the 4th of July for a much needed vacation. While I was at the beach I had to go to the hospital. While I was there I found out that my blood pressure was way up. They sent me home and told me to follow up with my Dr. once I got home. The Sunday I got home was 10 days until my next Drs. appointment so I figured that I would be ok to wait until then to see the Dr. I went to the Dr. on July the 15th for my routine monthly check up, and my blood pressure was high again the Dr. proceeded to have me stay and checked my blood pressure again an hour later, at that point they sent me to the hospital. Eight hours later my labor with Braylen was induced. At that point my husband and I had no idea what to think. We had made the decision months ago to carry Braylen to term, to give him every opportunity available to be ok and to live. Secretly knowing in the back of our mind that no matter what we did or didn’t do this was something that we had no control of. After praying for months for a miracle that we had no idea if we would receive, we realized that in only a few short hours our baby would be here and he would either live or die. That has been one of the hardest points so far. Right before I delivered, the Dr. asked me if I wanted to have him placed on my stomach, and for some reason I said no. I sit here on what would be a happy day for most new parents. My baby boy is 2 months old today, but yet he isn’t here with me. On July 15th, 2009 Braylen Alexander was born. A few short hours later he was taken from my husband and me as we were moved to another room on another floor of the hospital. We were told that our son was gone and that they needed to take him so we could be moved. We found out almost a month later that our little boy lived for 35 hours and we were only with him for maybe 4 of those hours at the most. I feel horrible to know that my little boy lay there all by himself cold and alone and slowly died. My husband has asked me many times what if his condition wasn’t as bad as they told us in the beginning. What if by telling them not to put a tube in his throat to help him try to breathe was the wrong thing. I feel like being mad at the whole world and me being a somewhat religious person I wonder why God took my baby from me. I know people say things like He sent His only Son here to die for everyone but then again He also had His Son before and after that point. What few short hours I had with my son I could never forget but then I just don’t understand it. We as parents aren’t programmed I guess you could say to bury our children. Our children are supposed to bury their parents. I can’t close my eyes without seeing my perfect little boy. It’s been so amazing that amount that he has changed my life and strengthened mine and my husband’s relationship.
