I got pregnant in the summer of 2009. I was scared and shocked of having another baby ,because I had my daughter when I was 16. I was barely getting into the point in my life where I could do things I wanted to because she was older. I had paused my life to become a full time mom. So that summer I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Even though I wasn’t ready I tried to make the best of it. I went for my 22 week ultrasound in November , I was excited to find out the sex of the baby. I really wanted to have a girl so bad. While the technician was doing the ultrasound he looked a little unsure of what he was seeing so he called a Doctor to come and finish the ultrasound. They didn’t even give me the ultrasound pictures of my baby they told me they first had to send them to my doctor. I asked the technician what the sex was ,and he said a boy I was so disappointed I was having a boy I don’t know why though. I had an appointment to see my doctor in a week couldn’t wait for my results so I called my doctor. The nurse told me he wouldn’t discuss this over the phone ,and for that moment I felt something was wrong. I told my husband I knew something was wrong with my baby, but he reassured me everything was OK. I went to my doctor appointment thinking nothing was wrong. I was excited to find out everything was going ok. Little did I know this appointment was going to change my life. I was in the examining room when my doctor sat down and told me that something was wrong with the baby. He told me he had anencephaly and explained to me what it was ,and how my baby would look. He told me my baby could die in the utero during birth or after . He told me that he did not know how long he would live but this conditions was fatal. I cried so hard I couldn’t take the pain I felt guilty for not wanting a boy. I felt like I rejected him and to this date I feel the guilt. My doctor is Catholic so he encouraged me to go to term, he also said I would not have any complication other then polyhydramnios. I thank God for giving me such a great doctor. I am pro life so never did I think of terminating I didn’t want to play God. I was going to let him live as long as God wanted ,and every little minute would be a blessing. I believe that none of us have our life’s guaranteed in this earth. So why take the little time my baby had all because I was selfish of feeling pain. My Christmas and New Year were sad. My baby was so active I would play with him while he was in my tummy. I would push a little down when he would kick then he would move and kick harder. I would move my tummy and shake it a little and he would wake up and kick and kick. I was depressed most of the time because each kick was a reminder he wasn’t going to stay with me. My Grandma told me something that made me feel more at ease. She said we don’t own our kids, God lets us borrow them. It’s so true, no matter what age God comes to collect his children. On March 4th my contractions started went to the hospital but they sent me back home. The next day when the contractions got harder I went back. This time they were the real ones. Alfonso was born at 9:44 pm. I baptized him right after he was born. I gave him a bath because his little face was covered in vernix and he was all white. He was the best the thing that has ever happened to me. I would kiss him a lot and I held him the whole time. I never put him down. He was losing body heat so I took off my top and had him skin to skin with a lot of blankets. He was so active and he hated laying with his tummy on my chest. He would left up his little head until I would sit him up. He has a strong little neck. He made baby noises, they were so cute. He cooed so loud he peed and pooped. He even fell asleep holding his little sister’s finger. He was so grumpy he didn’t not like getting his vitals checked. He had a cute personality. He was just like any normal baby. He didn’t like hats he would move his head back and forth until it would come off , so I let him have his way. He couldn’t suck or swallow so I fed hem through a feeding tube. All the staff was really nice and they treated my son so wonderful. Every time I wanted him fed they would come in with a big smile. I know of a lot of stories of babies with anencephaly that got treated real bad because of their condition. Doctors even call these babies monsters! I don’t care what people say or think of these babies, I have witness the beauty of life with my son. No one nor doctors can say what abilities your baby with anencephaly can or cannot do. Only a person who has witnessed can have a say. A lot of babies with anencephaly have amazed doctors because they had abilities they thought was impossible . My son passed away 21 hours later at 5:55 pm March 6th . All my nurses cried because he had touched their hearts ,and amazed them with his strong little spirit. I am still hurting and I miss him dearly. I have come to understand the reality of life. Death can happen to anyone, any age. We have to value the time we have with our loved ones. Mother Of Alfonso Jesus If you’re a mother experiencing a fatal diagnoses with a anencephaly and you have questions about my story you can email me at kari8703@gmail.com
