Letter to an Abortion CLinic
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to tell you about the grief that I carry with me to this very day. I don’t even know if the people reading this letter are the same ones who worked there when I was there.
I was 22 weeks pregnant with a little boy who had Trisomy 13 Robertsonian Translocation. When I walked in to talk to the counselor about the termination, she had NO idea why I was there. I myself, had to inform her because she did NOT read my charts before I entered her room. It was hard enough being there, never mind giving an explanation as to why I was there.
It was January 4, 2004 and I went to have the first set of Laminara, the next day we were supposed to come back but a huge ice storm hit. A solid week of nothing but ice. I had to take the Laminara out myself. Well when the ice melted we came back again, now it is January 12, 2004. We had to start the whole process over. It felt disgusting and was extremely painful! We came back again the next day (the 13th) and had the second set of Laminara inserted.
THEN CAME THE MORNING OF JANUARY 14, 2004 : 6:00 AM
We came in NO COMPASSION from any of the employees at all. I was completely terrified. My mother and my loving boyfriend were there with me. Well we got into the waiting room with the gurney beds, got into gown, cap and the paper shoes. The anesthesiologist came in just kind of monotone, no compassion there either, he just shoved the IV in my arm and left. Then someone else came in (not sure who they didn’t introduce themselves), and just took the gurney and wheeled it into the surgical room. The only thing I remember is a picture of a mountain/river poster on the ceiling. Well the next thing I knew I was in the “recovery room”. Well to this day it still makes me very ANGRY! No one in the surgical room told me there were putting me out! How dare them. How can you people inject something into someone’s body without letting them know!
Considering why we “choose” to do the termination because off all the pressure from genetic counselor/DR’s/ professionals and the employees of Love Joy Surgi Center. Not a single person had a single bit of encouragement for us to carry a baby with so many anomalies, nothing except for to kill him. I now consider myself a baby killer/murder, however you may put it. We made a life changing decision based on PRESSURE, absolute pressure.
Not a single person told us, how they removed the baby from my body. I did not know that you go into my uterus with pliers/forceps and RIP HIS TINY BODY TO PIECES!!!!!!!!! I recently saw photos of aborted mangled babies, what a disgrace it made me sick to my stomach! Now all I can see in my mind are images of my little boy torn and mangle to pieces.
Also not a single professional at Love Joy spoke to me about Grief counseling/after abortion counseling. Another thing; EVERY women should be told about “ABC”, abortion breast cancer link. Also you need to make people aware that there is such thing as “PASS”, post abortion stress syndrome. Which is very VERY real, especially if you have felt your son move inside you for 2 weeks or more and then instantly ripped from you body/soul. No one offered me the possibility of continuing the pregnancy and if he did come to prematurely……well at least I would have gotten to see my angels face. The only thing I can see is his tiny body ripped to shreds.
This is something I live with on a DAILY basis. Something I will NEVER forget. I thought the choice that we were pressured into would be better for him, but lets weigh the options: torn to pieces and mangled OR minutes/hours in the loving arms of mommy/daddy, NOW that I see the light, my choice would have not been hard at all. But due to lack of counseling/information, we never got to hold him, we never got to take pictures, we never got to get footprints, we never got a lock of hair. There is FOREVER a huge gaping hole in my heart the will never be filled.
I have wanting to write this for 6 months or more. I had to for my own well being as well as for my son. I would appreciate a response from anyone who cares….PLEASE make sure and show ALL the nurses/doctors/counselors because believe it or not there are long lasting effects.