The Journey
by Jennifer Davidson


Father said I could write this story to explain my journey. He said that His children are having a hard time understanding, and he sent me to explain the process. He said that He has heard the cries and He understands the pain of not knowing and wants to let his people understand, The Journey.

Father told me that he would teach me about different kinds of fruit and that he would help me to teach the world about those same things. He said that most people think of fruit as a healthy snack. He said that there are other kinds of fruit also. He said that His people would bear good fruit. By that he meant do good things. But the fruit he told me I was sent to teach His children about was the “Fruit of the Spirit.” Father told me that he had written about that kind of fruit in His Holy Word in a book called “Galatians”. But he told me that many of His children hadn’t read that book yet and were having a hard time understanding their journeys. He told me the “Fruit of the Holy Spirit” is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. This is the kind of fruit He wanted to remind His children of. This is why He wanted to send me to my new family. Then they can teach the world about His fruit, and about his love.

I am new to this, brand new really. Father told me that I am at first a thought, a notion, between my parents. He said that they first thought of me before they were ever married. They began planning to meet me. At first they called me “Some Day”. They would say, “Some Day… we will be parents. Some Day… we will teach our child to be strong.” Daddy said – “Some Day… we will go to ballet recitals.” Mommy said – “Some Day… We will go to baseball games.” They both said – “Some Day… We will kiss it all better and make everything ok.”

After a few months of dreaming of me, Father says that my Daddy and Mommy decided it was time to pray hard and start trying to conceive me. Of course, they knew it was really up to Father to decide when “Some Day” would come. It was a time our Father called August. He called me out of Heaven’s Nursery and told me that tonight was the night, that my parents’ dreams and wishes would come true. It was hard for them to wait, but they trusted our Father to have the perfect timing. During this time, Father said he was teaching my Mommy and Daddy “Patience”.

My First Month

Father told me that it would take a couple of months before My Mommy and Daddy would know that I am here. I can feel strange things happening to me. It feels strange to be growing a physical body. Father’s hands are knitting me together just exactly according to His plans. It is amazing to feel him so close to me. His hands do the craftwork with precision and yet are so sweet and soft. This is what he described as “Gentleness”.

My Second Month

I can feel very distinct parts forming. I know where my top is and where my feet are forming. My Mommy told my Daddy that she is wondering if “Some Day” may be coming soon. She took test just this morning. When she told my Daddy to start making plans for a Mother’s Day gift next year I heard him laugh out loud! I can feel them dancing together. This is what my Father described as “Joy”.

My Third Month

Growing inside my Mommy feels so warm and happy. I can hear her singing whenever we are moving around. I can feel her giggles. I can sense when she is tired. Mommy hasn’t been feeling well. She doesn’t seem that upset about it though. She says that she is just so happy that I am inside her. She sings songs I have heard in the Heavenly choir. They are so beautiful when my Mommy sings them to me.

I hear my Daddy say that my name is Jordan. He says I will be named Jordan whether I am a boy or a girl. Now everyone is calling me Jordan. Daddy says it means “Poured out from Heaven”. Even my Big Brothers call me Jordan. I hear them every night say “Good night Jordan, I love you.” Wow, so that is “love”. I think that is Love is the best one so far.

My Fourth Month

When I know that Mommy is very still, and laying down, I try extra hard to move around and show her that I am in here. I can hear her laughter as she places what she calls Daddy’s hand over me. I can feel his hand on Mommy’s tummy, I feel the pressure. I can hear him talking to her. I kick so hard, hoping that one of these times he will feel me through the distance.

Daddy started talking to me every night. He reads a book called “Winnie the Pooh” and makes his voice do unusual things. I really like this. When I hear Daddy’s voice, I always kick and jump. I am so happy. This must be what Father was talking about when he mentioned “Goodness”.

My Fifth Month

I know my parents are scared now. I do not understand everything that they say, but they are talking about a test they took. The test told them that there is something wrong with me. How can there be anything wrong with me? I know that the Father is knitting me together exactly the way I am supposed to be. But I know they are so afraid. They mention Trisomy 18. I have heard my Father mention that before. He told me that it is a special stitch. He didn’t invent it, but sometimes it happens. When it does happen, it means that babies will be born and serve their entire purpose in a shorter time than many people do. He told me that it means that I have to make sure and teach the world about the fruit and the journey very quickly because there won’t be time for procrastination. That is a big word, and I don’t really understand it all together but I did understand that it meant that I need to hurry.

My Mommy and Daddy told the Father that they trust Him. They said that they know he has a special plan for me. They admitted that they are very afraid but agreed to be used for the good of His Kingdom. I know they are telling Father that they will go \wherever He sends them, but they do seem very sad about it. I do not understand everything that is happening. I still feel warm and safe though. I know that I am in the Father’s hands and I know that My Mommy and Daddy love the Father and trust Him no matter what. This is what my Father told me was “Peace.”

The Sixth Month

My Mommy and Daddy went to a doctor today. The doctor was telling them that the Father made a mistake. What does that mean? She said that they should send me to \Heaven sooner than the Father planned. I do not understand all of this. I do not think that I am a mistake. My Mommy was crying and my Daddy said “No.” to the doctor. He told her that I am not a mistake. He told her that he loves me and wants to follow Father’s plan. My Daddy said that he would find a new doctor. My Daddy was very upset at the doctor but also wanted her to learn to know the Father so he was very nice to her. This is what the Father called “Self Control.”

My Mommy is relieved, I can tell. She didn’t know what to do, and my Daddy is taking good care of us. He found us a new doctor who believes that our Father does not make mistakes. Our new Doctor said that he wants to do the Father’s will. My parents are so happy with the new Doctor that they gave me his name! I am now, Jordan William. I like my name very much. My Daddy says that Dr. Williams is a good example of “Faithfulness.”

My Seventh month

The Father told me that I do not have much time left to teach them about the fruit, only a few days. It is harder now because I am feeling so sleepy. I can hear Daddy’s voice and it sounds so nice, but I am too tired to jump and kick. My Mommy is afraid because I am so tired. She asks Daddy to take us to the hospital to see if I am doing ok. The nurses there are very kind to Mommy and Daddy. They say that they should stay the night. My Mommy’s friends offer to take good care of my Big Brothers and they bring them to the hospital in the morning. More of Mommy’s friends come in the morning. Everyone wants to help my Mommy and Daddy. Dr. Williams comes into the room to tell them that I should be born today! I am very happy that I get to meet them today. I am also very tired and I even though I want to jump for joy, I just can’t do it. I can hear Dr. Williams as he talks to our Father.

My First Day

Wow, is that light? It is so bright now! It is not as warm out here as it was inside my Mommy. “Hi, Jordan!” Oh that is Daddy’s voice. I hear my Daddy’s voice more clear than ever! I can see my Daddy! He looks so big and strong! A nurse is carrying me, she brings me to my Mommy. “Hi, Jordan, I love you so much.” I hear my Mommy say. What is that? She put her lips on mine. That is a kiss from my Mommy! This must be goodness! I have felt so many things these past seven months but Mommy’s kiss is so sweet. I am so happy about “Goodness!”

Now I am in a warm bed. I hear the nurses telling Daddy about the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. They call it the “NICU”. I hear things making a lot of noise. I hear buzzers, beepers, pumps, thumps. Then I hear such a wonderful thing, my Big Brothers are here to see me. “Hi, Jordan!” They all say it together. They really are so much bigger than I am. I hear the doctor telling Zachary that I am two pounds six ounces. Ben says “He’s so little!” Christopher says “Oh Cute!” I am glad my brothers are here with me. It is a little bit easier to stay awake out here, but I still feel very tired. The nurses are very sweet to me. I can hear them talking with Father too. I am glad that they are His children!
My Daddy and Brothers are with me a lot. I hear someone say that my Mommy will be here as soon as she is out of recovery. I miss her but this is the first time I have been alone with the boys and that is fun too. I hear Zachary say he loves me. My Big Brothers all love me so much. I see Daddy’s smile and I know that is because he has so much joy at seeing me. I try to smile back but my mouth has a ventilator in it. I hope he knows how happy I am to be his son.

After five hours they let my Mommy out of recovery. She has a look on her face that I understand. She knows that the Father is in control now, and even though she is very scared, she is glad that the Father is here with us. I understand that she is feeling peace. The doctors can not tell her yet if I can stay for long. She will have to wait for the Father’s plan to unfold. She has learned patience so she decides to enjoy me no matter what.

My Mommy’s friends are all by her side. She is never alone. They are taking photos of me, and telling her how beautiful I am. I am glad they are showing her so much kindness.

Everyone wants to do what is best for my Mommy, Daddy, Brothers and me. They want us to all be ok. One nurse even took our photo together. They are giving my Mommy and Daddy encouragement. Daddy’s friends from church brought flowers into Mommy’s room. They are showing Mommy and Daddy goodness.

My doctor is Dr. Traugott. He wants to do the Father’s will for me. He wants to make sure that I am feeling no pain. He wants to allow me to stay with Mommy and Daddy for exactly the amount of time that the Father has decided. He is showing faithfulness.

The nurses take good care of me and talk very sweetly to me. One nurse even put real clothes on me. She moved my arms and legs so softly. I now understand this is Gentleness.

My Brothers want to play with me, but they know that I am not strong enough. They ask the nurses to show them how to take good care of me. They only do the things that they are supposed to do. They are showing excellent self control.

I know they all know about the fruit now. It shouldn’t be much longer before My Father comes for me. I hope they understand the journey. I hope they know that I am not going far away.

Day Two

I am even more tired now. I can hear the Heavenly choir again. I can see angels. I hear Father’s voice more clearly than my Daddy’s. I know that soon it is time for me to go back to the Father. Dr. Traugott has made sure that I am not in any pain. I am very thankful for that. I can hear my Daddy crying. I wish I could stay with him, but I know that they already have learned about the fruit.

Father explains to me that they may not understand the journey today. They may not understand the fruit today either. He told me that “Some Day” they will look back and understand it all. He told me that their blessing is coming “Some Day” a day when they are ready.

My parents’ friends and family, my brothers, and my Mommy and Daddy are all around me now. I feel even more sleepy. I hear the angels’ songs even louder. The choir is so nice, I want to go closer to them, but I also want to stay with Mommy and Daddy. Mommy tells me she knows I can see the angels. She tells me it is ok to go. Mommy says that she will be with me in the blink of an eye.

Daddy is holding me. I feel his strength. I love Daddy so much. I wish I could stay with him. But I know that my Heavenly Daddy is waiting for me. I will only be a blink away from him. In just a blink Daddy we will be together. I gather all of my strength and try to tell him this but all that comes from my mouth is a few bubbles. My Daddy giggles a little bit as he sees the bubbles, I feel his tears falling on my face. I hope he knows what the bubbles mean.

My Father is reaching for me now, he tells me it is time for me to be a Prince in his Kingdom. The King of Kings is calling me home! He carries me to the gates of Heaven and shows me the most beautiful mansion I could imagine and tells me that my parents will be joining me in a blink of an eye. I am so glad, I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can and turn my head ready to see my family.

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The support, information and encouragement provided by the PPFL parents is not meant to take the place of medical advice by a medical professional. Any specific questions about care should be directed to a health care professional familiar with the situation.